“She Finished the Trek Without Me” – Lessons in Leadership

Last year, my wife had a pretty major operation. While she was in a wheelchair, I arranged the holiday of a lifetime that ticked both of our bucket lists, so she’d have something to look forward to once she was better.

And this wasn’t just any trip.

It was a journey into the Borneo jungle. The itinerary included nature hiking, meeting tribes, exploring beaches and cities, and a grueling trek to the remote Coffin Cliff Point in the Danum Valley – part of the oldest rainforest in the world.

It was going to be an epic celebration of Hannah’s recovery, and also something different for me as I’d spend my birthday out there.

So we arrived in Borneo, and it was amazing.

Then the night before my birthday, I got really ill.

I couldn’t actually get out of bed. It was the day of the big trek. I turned to Hannah and said: “You’re gonna have to do this without me.”

So she did. And I’m not gonna lie, I had a little cry to myself. Because I’d really wanted to see it and all the wildlife you encounter along the way. More than anything, I really wanted to see Hannah achieve that.

But then I realized that actually, me not being there made it an even more epic achievement for Hannah. Because if you take away the safety net, it becomes fight or flight.

And she hasn’t really got any flight about her.

So she did it – and she was really, really proud of herself. And I guess like the analogy behind that moment – and the reason I brought it to the podcast – is that it’s the same premise at work.

Whether I’m talking to you as a staff member or a client, I can guide you to where you need to be, but it’s your journey to take.

I can help clients understand what to do with their leads, but it’s up to them to convert them into sales. And I can show my staff how to do something, but until I let them start to figure it out for themselves, they won’t be as good as they could be.

That was an interesting lesson to come from the jungle.

When I look back at my journey with Codebreak, I do things daily now which would’ve terrified me when I first started. I’d get nervous every time I had to call a client.

Now, my diary’s full of client calls and I love it. But it took me a while to get to that point. And by doing it when it made me uncomfortable, I built up my resilience for it.

One of the things I do is show people how to do things, give them the tools to do it, then take a step back and see how they get on.

And I’ll keep doing that over and over again until they’re empowered enough to do it for themselves.

Leadership is about guiding people to their destination.

Yes, everyone learns at a different pace, and yes people might misunderstand your instructions, or make mistakes. But you’ve got to let people make those mistakes.

And that’s not easy for business owners to do, because you feel like those mistakes will reflect badly on your reputation – especially if they’re more senior.

Having said that, you should have processes in place so those mistakes can happen without becoming public. But you still have to empower people to make mistakes.

That’s the nature of business.

Something else I’ve struggled with, as most small businesses do, is allowing myself to go ‘off comms’ when I’m away from the office or on holiday.

Partly it’s because I’ve worried in the past that something might go wrong, and partly because it’s quite hard for the business to grow in that period. That is, unless you’ve got a business development manager or someone to take care of that side of things.

There’s always an element of sacrifice.

It’s a little bit like the Hannah story; my ego was screaming to get to that viewpoint, both for myself and because I desperately wanted to see my wife achieve that.

Not just to hear about it.

But as a business owner, you can’t be in every key moment and that’s fine. And if you want to be in every key moment, you’ve given yourself a job, not a business.

I’m finding that now, because I’m essentially running two and a half businesses right now, with a third one on the way.

And I just can’t do it all.

So I have to take joy in seeing others helping me to do it all. And that would apply as a husband, wife, parent, friend, or business owner. Being a good leader means lifting others up, not taking the credit for yourself.

Very rarely does a football manager claim that they won the FA cup.

You have to take your ego out the equation.

You’re not the main character all the time, and you’re not the hero all the time.

I genuinely get more joy from seeing other people achieve things than I do from my own achievements. Because if other people achieve things, it also means I’m achieving things.

Taking care of my wife for six months so that she could get better and ultimately trek to an incredible place is a huge win for me. And when you empower people to do things for themselves, they often realise they’re far greater than they thought they could be.

And that’s how I felt about Hannah doing the trek without me.

If I could go back, I still wouldn’t change that.

Don’t miss the next episode of Stay Hungry – we’ll dive into straight-talking insights on business marketing, growth mindset, and the realities of running a business. And if you want to take the hassle out of your marketing, we’ve got you covered with our done-for-you service.